I have gotten used to the fact that my life will be full of ups and downs, that my emotions will be erractic for a long time- i can feel very happy this moment and terribly sad the next.
I have accepted that you are the one who got away and I may never get over it. I have gotten over my regrets, my wishes. I have even gotten over my confusion with God and religion.
Everyday that comes, is another day that you are absent in my life. It's a fresh stab, a reminder that it's no longer 'us against the world' but it's just me now.
I get angry at you sometimes, and angry at God. Sometimes I pity you and weep because you were not given a chance at life.
The things you did, the businesses, the kindness, the projects, the helping of others, only you can do them. I am not cut out for them, I have tried and have come to the realisation that I can never fill your shoes.
No one can. There have been many happy moments in my life since you left, but these moments do not feel happy, not when I cannot share them with you.
I really do not know where to pick up from. Not only has my heart been shattered, my entire world has been put in an erratic state.
Where do I start from when you meant everything to me? You were a brother, a father, a friend, a lover, a mentor, a business partner and a pastor.
Who will come to my rescue when I need help? Who will point the light and guide me through life?
This was never the plan, you were always part of the plan from day one either as a friend or a life partner or both.
The only prayer I know how to pray these days is a prayer for you. I beg God, Mother Mary and the heavenly hosts to take care of you. I worry about you, if you are happy wherever you are.
Yes I have debated the existence of heaven and still have doubts, but it's the only thing that gives me hope, it lessens my distress- believing that your life did not just end, that it continues in a better place.
I hope to see you when it's time. Please be fine. I'll try to be fine here too.
I love you Dee, #wakandaforever
I have accepted that you are the one who got away and I may never get over it. I have gotten over my regrets, my wishes. I have even gotten over my confusion with God and religion.
Everyday that comes, is another day that you are absent in my life. It's a fresh stab, a reminder that it's no longer 'us against the world' but it's just me now.
I get angry at you sometimes, and angry at God. Sometimes I pity you and weep because you were not given a chance at life.
The things you did, the businesses, the kindness, the projects, the helping of others, only you can do them. I am not cut out for them, I have tried and have come to the realisation that I can never fill your shoes.
No one can. There have been many happy moments in my life since you left, but these moments do not feel happy, not when I cannot share them with you.
I really do not know where to pick up from. Not only has my heart been shattered, my entire world has been put in an erratic state.
Where do I start from when you meant everything to me? You were a brother, a father, a friend, a lover, a mentor, a business partner and a pastor.
Who will come to my rescue when I need help? Who will point the light and guide me through life?
This was never the plan, you were always part of the plan from day one either as a friend or a life partner or both.
The only prayer I know how to pray these days is a prayer for you. I beg God, Mother Mary and the heavenly hosts to take care of you. I worry about you, if you are happy wherever you are.
Yes I have debated the existence of heaven and still have doubts, but it's the only thing that gives me hope, it lessens my distress- believing that your life did not just end, that it continues in a better place.
I hope to see you when it's time. Please be fine. I'll try to be fine here too.
I love you Dee, #wakandaforever
Comments
Post a Comment